thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
