if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
