Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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