i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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