I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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