We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
