he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
