everyone is single if you try hard enough
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
