No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
