you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Mom said you looked used
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
