Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
