i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
