Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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