god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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