I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
