He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
