I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
