Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
