Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
