If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
