My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
