Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
my poor anus
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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