I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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