She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
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