I swear she didn't look like that last week.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
