I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
