Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
