I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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