I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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