I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize