They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Too much gin, very little bucket
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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