I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize