Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
