watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize