I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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