Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
