listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
