allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
