So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
this just has baby written all over it
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
