If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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