my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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