Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
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