I can feel you judging me through the phone.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
