I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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