Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Randomize
