please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
