I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
