Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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