I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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