i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Randomize
