Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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