I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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