that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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