we have pet lesbian snakes
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
