I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
as a side note pls kill me
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
