I bet he comes in French.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
