Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
