Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
someone owes me an orgasm
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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