I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
