They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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