I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
