She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
