I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
