i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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