toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
tonight lets celebrate not being married
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
