ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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