i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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