I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Randomize
