One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
