He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
