He is an equal opportunity slut.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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